biting back the belief
by LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken
Summary: there comes a time where you get used to the misery that consumes your life. you just have to remember, whenever a glimmer of happiness appears, dont belive its real. cause it never is.


Ever woken up with that unpleasant feeling in your gut? The feeling where you just know the day is going to ruin you? There's just this deep rooted instinct that can't seem to go away. You want to blame it on paranoia, but you know that's just not the case. Something bad is going to happen to you, you just know it.

But what? Is your house going to set on fire? Are you going to get hit by a bus? For all you know the terrible thing that's bound to happen could very well just be a paper cut. But you don't know and that's what scares you. You don't know what rests at the end of the day, and the uncertainty will be the death of you.

No one can see into the future. As much as everyone would love to, they can't predict what is going to happen next, and where fate is going to take them. So most people shrug it off and continue with their day, not giving it a single thought. But people like me, who tend to overthink things, well, it drives us completely insane.

Not knowing what's going to happen sets the anxiety on overdrive. The sweating, the constant racing thoughts, the heavy chest, the hyperventilation, all the symptoms of a panic attack. Now, we can still function. We're able to get through the day and put a faux smile on our face, even if we're dying inside.

See, the surprise of what's to come sends us over the edge. Sends our thoughts racing and leaves any sanity we might have had left far behind. We're scared, and we're unsure of what's to come, but we push through and hope for the best. But in the end, the unknown is still displayed in front of us, and we have nowhere to go but forward.

So when you have a feeling in your gut like the world is going to collapse around you, the anxiety only makes it worse. It triggers tons of other fears and feelings that only ruin your day even more. But what happens when fate shocks you? And for once things aren't going badly.

It stuns you at first. It completely shocks you. Because you're not used to this, you're used to the pain and misery and suffering. This isn't how life is supposed to play out for you. Happiness just isn't in the cards for you. But it slowly soaks in and you're ecstatic. You've never felt this before and it really does feel good. The foreign-ness of it only makes it better.

It feels free and light, like you don't have to constantly worry and wonder what will happen. It feels great, but how long will it last? You know it can't possibly last long; nothing ever has ever lasted for you. And so once again you're scared and you're worried. Because no matter how small of a glimpse of happiness that you get, the misery always comes right back.

So this time you're not scared and worried about what's happening, you're scared and worried that it'll come back. Because you know it will. Nothing ever stays the same. The word Bipolar means nothing to you. Because not only are your moods changing, the world around you is changing as well.

Each and every day fate throws something new your way and you're never prepared, no matter how hard you try to stop it. You try and brace yourself but nothing ever works. But for some odd reason, the happiness stayed. It never faltered. You had your ups and downs but you knew he would always be there. And he always was. For three straight years.

After every single bump in the road that misled you in life, he was there with open arms, waiting to make everything right again. And he did. He was always so understanding and so welcoming that just the sight of his easy going smile made everything better. It wasn't long before you realized why the happiness wasn't leaving.

You were in love. You loved him, you really did. There was no denying it. You wanted to spend forever with him. And you two had planned it more times than remembered. Because he gave you the first glimpse of true happiness you've ever seen. And you thought you gave him happiness as well.

Which is why this hurts so much. Because he never showed signs of falling out of love. He never said anything, never left you hanging. Just left you in the dark, and led you to believe that nothing was wrong. He said so many things, so many lies. He said he loved you, said he be there forever.

So why didn't he open the fucking door?

**A/N: just a small oneshot.**

**Please Review!**

**-LoveLikeYou'reNotBroken**


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